Colbert Takes on Hallmark Channel 'Lesbian Wedding Ad' Controversy

Watching the Hallmark Channel flip back and forth between banning an ad that depicts a lesbian wedding - only to then un-ban the ad - feels a little like watching a tennis tournament. The Hallmark Channel's handling of the original complaint - by perpetually-offended anti-gay group One Million Moms - created much more drama than the situation would otherwise have called for; after all, the so-called One Million Moms have gone after many companies and television programs over the years, and its attempts to generate headlines with calls for boycotts usually fly under the mainstream radar.

Not this time, however.

As EDGE reported last week, One Million Moms took up its cudgel against the commercial - and the Hallmark Channel for having aired it - with the confrontational language that's typical of the hard anti-LGBTQ right. The group - which is affiliated with the American Family Association, an organization that has been designated a hate group by Southern Poverty Center - sent out a message in which it accused the Hallmark Channel of "forcing" viewers into "tolerance" and "acceptance" of an "LGBT agenda" and accused the channel of no longer offering "safe" viewing for families.

The ad in question touted zola.com, a wedding registry and planning site and depicted a happy pair of brides on their wedding day. One Million Moms did not specify how this was "unsafe" viewing or identify vulnerable populations who may have felt endangered by the sight of a loving female couple solemnizing their relationship with a legal contract and a public ceremony. But the group did suggest that a wedding featuring two brides was somehow sexual in and of itself - and a sexual wrongdoing, at that.

Fulminated the hate group:

Now, parents can no longer trust Hallmark because Hallmark is no longer allowing parents to be the primary educators when it comes to sex and sexual morality.

Despite One Million Moms' breathless buildup, nothing inappropriate happens in the ad. The brides worry about tardy guests and extol the glories of a custom website "with our ceremony details on it," while their guests point out the service is free. A romantic - though not excessively steamy - kiss caps the ad.

The actual membership numbers for the AFA-affiliated hate group protesting the ad may be murky at best, but the ad itself boasts, "We've helped a million couples plan their wedding, with free websites, registry, and invitations."

A look at the zola.com website shows that, unlike some wedding vendors, the site does not refuse to serve couples that do not align with their personal idea of what constitutes "love" or "family." Heterosexual couples are just as welcome as anyone else.

All the same, the whiff of controversy scared the Hallmark Channel into an instant and abject retreat. The channel pulled four of the six ads that zola.com had provided for airing, leaving only a pair of ads in which mixed-gender wedding celebrants were showcased. Zola.com responded in turn - by yanking its entire ad campaign from the channel and announcing they would no longer advertise onto Hallmark Channel.

Whether it was the pinch to the bottom line, or the way that social media lit up with criticism of the Hallmark Channel's unconditional surrender to the hate group - with celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres and William Shatner weighing in - the Hallmark Channel hastily reconsidered.

"The debate surrounding these commercials on all sides was distracting from the purpose of our network, which is to provide entertainment value," said a Hallmark Channel vice president, Molly Biwer, in a statement to the Associated Press.

But it wasn't long before the story was in itself generating entertainment, thanks not only to the social media firestorm but also the attention late-night comedian Stephen Colbert gave the saga.

Showing one clip featuring the two brides on his program, Colbert offered his own humorous critique:

I've gotta say that ad is upsetting. They're standing in front of decorative pre-lit trees, but the room also has an elaborate wooden mantle. What's the aesthetic here? Classic evening, or rustic chic? Pick a lane, ladies!

The comic went on to add: "I can't have my kids seeing this!"

Colbert then turned his razor-sharp punchlines on the Hallmark Channel.

Let's be honest: Your whole family is not getting together to watch Hallmark Christmas movies. Real moms watch them alone at night while trying to assemble a Fisher-Price kitchen and drinking out of a wine glass that says, "When Caleb whines, Mommy wines."

Colbert then took aim at the Hallmark Channel's having declared that, "We don't want to generate controversy."

We know. We've seen your movies. Hallmark doesn't generate controversy, character growth, dramatic tension, or leading roles for black people.

That last barb was accompanied by a collage of movie posters for the channel's films that uniformly depicted white casts.

"But in their effort to avoid controversy," Colbert noted, "Hallmark generated a massive amount of controversy."

The comedian went on to recount how DeGeneres and Shatner had called out the channel on social media. Then he introduced a film clip that he claimed was Shatner debating a member of the so-called One Million Moms; the clip was taken from the classic "Straight Trek" episode "Arena," and showed the valiant Captain Kirk doing battle with a lethargic, dinosaur-like alien known as a Gorn. Dubbed voices provided tailor-made dialogue for the repurposed scene, with the Gorn declaring, "Hallmark is turning our children gay!" as it swings a massive tree branch at Captain Kirk's head.

Kirk, dodging the blow, strikes back with broad roundhouse punches, grunting, "You just fear what you don't understand. Love is love!"

Colbert then reported on what happened next:

Well, just like in the Hallmark classic "A Shoe Addict's Christmas" - I had to ask in rehearsal if we made that [title] up; we did not - there's a happy ending. In response to complaints about their response to complaints, Hallmark announced that they will "reinstate the commercials." So: Just before Christmas, big-city Hallmark executives had to decide between a high-stakes advertising account, and love. There was drama. They broke up. They got back together. A wedding was involved, and everyone was white. Man! They do have just one plotline!"

The "resolution" of putting the ads back on the air - all of them - may have made zola.com happy, but it further inflamed the hate group One Million Moms, which, the Associated Press reported, "accused Hallmark of caving to the LGBTQ community and portrayed the reversal as a betrayal to conservatives."

Others were just left rolling their eyes. As the AP reported, marketing experts pointed out that, "These are difficult issues to navigate but when you're going to make a call one way or another, make sure you understand the ramifications. You only want to pull the Band-Aid off once," and, despite the brand having won over LGBTQ customers when it introduced greeting cards for the non-heterosexual community in 2008, "Any goodwill engendered from the LGBTQ community is squandered" even as the company failed to make "any friends on the other side of the issue either."

But the wedding website company, zola.com, came out smelling like a bridal bouquet. Noted Ries and Ries marketing company president Laura Ries, "For Zola, this is Christmas times 100... Nobody ever heard of Zola, and now everybody knows it and loves it."

Watch Colbert's take below.