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Idol Chatter :: Top 16 :: Elimination!

by Nick Dussault
Contributor
Thursday Mar 10, 2005
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In the commercial right before tonight’s show began, we were promised “the most heart-stopping Idol yet.” A contemplative Randy Jackson let us know that “It’s about the best person winning.” Then it was on to Miss-ter Seacrest blabbing about the task at hand, naming the top twelve contestants. Yawn.

First we had to sit through a recap of the dismal ladies’ night we just sat through last night. I still think Janay Castine and young Mikalah Gordon deserve cab fare to the airport. Janay’s just not good enough and Mikalah’s spirit has been overtaken by an 80-year old yenta with a Streisand obsession.

As for the men, a recap of their Monday night performances reaffirmed my belief that Travis Tucker and Nikko Smith should be the guys who get the heave-ho. Nikko would be better suited for a stand-in position if ever there were a New Edition reunion tour. Travis, on the other hand, might want to consider show tunes. With the right moves, I’m thinking the new and improved “La Cage” might give him a once over.

Despite my strong opinions, I only account for a small fraction of the 120,000,000 votes that were cast this week and most of mine were, of course, for Mario. (Somebody had to vote for him while his family was whooping it up at a party to which I wasn‘t invited.) My speed dialing paid off though as our next Idol was in the first group of four to make it to the top twelve. Joining him were medical miracle Anthony Fedorov, Lindsay Cardinale and Vonzell the drag queen Solomon.

Chosen next were, in my opinion, the two best women in the competition, Carrie Underwood and Nadia Turner. Either one of them could place second to Mario and I’d be happy. But farm girl Carrie needs to come out swinging next week or she’ll lose all of her momentum and foxy little Nadia will walk away with the title of first runner-up.

Miss-ter Seacrest was especially dramatic tonight as s/he read the results. When he called the two rockers to center stage, s/he tried to imply that only one of them was going forward. Sorry Lady Seacrest, you’re not a very good actor. I knew immediately that both Bo Bice and, unfortunately, Constantine Maroulis were moving on. You’re little tricks aren’t fooling me.

Speaking of little, the host(ess) had to step back from Bo and Constantine to read the results because they’re so much taller than s/he is. I was surprised to hear Miss-ter S. admit that he is indeed a short one. But once he opened that diminutive Pandora’s Box, I couldn’t help but notice just how short s/he is. A metro-Mary with a Napoleonic complex, it all makes sense now.

With all this talk about Miss-ter Seacrest’s shortcomings, Anwar Robinson managed to slip over to the winner’s circle with little fanfare. The church singer may prove to be a force to be reckoned with.

Ditto Jessica Sierra. America chose her not only because she can she sing, but she proved last night that she’s not afraid to flaunt her rather large assets. Just stand back folks, a wardrobe malfunction involving young Jessica could wipe out an entire town. What a titillating tale that would be.

But far more interesting at this point is the fact that I actually applauded when Seacrest announced that Scott Savol had made the cut. Part of me was glad to see Nikko and Travis get the boot, but a bigger part of me enjoys having the daddy-hater around. What really piqued my interest however, was the extremely long, touchy-feely hug the big lug shared with Jessica. Think there might be a shortage of straight guys living in the Idol household? Come on Jessica, how about Anthony Fedorov? The man who would be Clay has already been seen making out with real girls and he’s no threat to Paula’s Chihuahuas.

And speaking of real girls, when it came down to the final three, little Mikalah made the grade, sending Amanda Avila and, thankfully, Janay Castine back to oblivion. I hope those girls can type.

And Auntie Mary, if you’re still reading, tell Mikalah to go back to being that annoying little Bette Midler clone that I really didn’t care for. At least she was fun to watch. And while you’re at it, tell her to get some fashion tips from somebody, anybody - except Scott Savol that is. Once again, the girl looked like a drag queen doing Cher. Tell her to think Jessica Simpson, not Jessica Tandy. Her mother would pay big money for those assets of hers, tell her to stop hiding them under those middle-aged-woman-from-Maine turtlenecks.

Going forward, smarter choices will have to be made by anyone, except for Mario, who wants to pull away from this pack. There’s some really talented people vying for second place in this competition. And as they prepare for the move to the bigger stage and the bigger set, Simon offered them one piece of advice. “It’s a different competition next week. It’s about being an original. Don’t compromise.”

I’d like to try and wipe the slate clean as we move forward, but I can’t. I still think Constantine is an idiot for saying that being on “American Idol” is “living dangerous.” And I’d like to see him get the boot next week. Of course, no matter how much I like Auntie Mary, little Mikalah still annoys me. And don’t forget that Mario has been my pick all along. Even if his mother didn’t invite me to their party, my alliance has been formed.

As always, go Mario!

“Seacrest out,” please.

This article is part of our "Idol Chatter" series. Want to read more? Here's the full list»

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